Blue

***AUTHOR’S NOTE***

Blue is written differently from my other books, and that difference was intentional.

While my other works follow a more traditional narrative style, Blue was written with a poetic, fragmented rhythm — short sentences, repetition, and abrupt transitions.

The prose is meant to feel intimate and immediate, almost like reading pages from a journal.

This style was also chosen to reflect the character’s experiences with anxiety, depression, and grief. Thoughts often arrive in fragments. Emotions repeat themselves. Certain moments linger longer than others. The writing follows that same pattern.

Every stylistic choice in this book was deliberate and made in service of the story being told.

If this style isn’t for you, that’s okay. My other books are written in a more traditional style, and I’d still love for you to give them a chance.

Thank you for reading.

— Carmen Wilder

DESCRIPTION

I’m twenty-one years old and I don’t know how to stop loving him.

That’s the problem.

Because Cassian was never meant to be loved like this.

He was the boy next door.

The one who climbed through my window in the middle of the night.

The one I gave everything to—without ever asking for anything back.

And he took it.

All of it.

Piece by piece, year by year, until there was nothing left of me that wasn’t his.

We grew up tangled together—

in grief, in silence, in things we never said out loud.

In a love that didn’t feel like love anymore, but something darker.

Something that held on tighter the more it hurt.

I knew he would ruin me.

I let him anyway.

Because some people don’t just break your heart—

they become a part of you.

And even after everything…

even after the damage, the distance, the years of trying to survive what we were,

I would still open the window.

Every single time.

Blue
is an emotional, angsty MM romance about obsession, grief, trauma, and a love that doesn’t let go.

This is not a soft story.

This is not a safe love.

This is what happens when you love someone who hurts you time and time again and can’t stop anyway.

✔ Childhood friends to something darker

✔ Toxic, codependent relationship

✔ Emotional damage that lingers

✔ Dual timeline (childhood → adulthood)

✔ HEA… but you will suffer for it