SHUT UP SAMANTHA

From the age of 3 to 17 years I was exposed to things that no child should ever be exposed to. Violence, neglect, theft and child sexual exploitation. All my childhood I tried to expose these men that had such a hold over me, but I was always shut down. “SHUT UP SAMANTHA!”“YOU DON’T NEED TO TALK SAMANTHA!” “YOU HAVE A BIG MOUTH SAMANTHA!” I constantly felt misunderstood throughout my childhood; it was like I was talking but nothing was coming out. I would scream, shout, smash things up, fight and run away. I needed a voice! My two older brothers groomed me from a very early age. One of them controlled me through love, and the other through fear. I now know how crazy this may sound to some people, but grooming is a long process and it doesn’t just happen overnight. I saw a side to them that no one else could see. I saw them broken, beaten on the floor, I saw them cry, I saw them unloved and misunderstood. They took the blame for me, so I didn’t get punished, they stole for me, so I didn’t have to, they loved, cherished and took care of me, when no one else would.